World Kindness Day: Management, relationships, boundaries... The secrets of unwavering kindness with Awa Ly Ndiaye

Being kind doesn't mean disappearing or accepting everything. On the occasion of World Kindness Day, November 3rd, professional coach Awa Ly Ndiaye offers a candid interview that deciphers the pitfalls of misplaced generosity. From kind but not weak leadership and managing toxic relationships to overcoming the fear of saying no and regaining self-esteem, she provides essential keys to reconciling kindness, discernment, and firmness in everyday life.

Kindness should never be synonymous with self-effacement. This is the perspective of Awa Ly Ndiaye, a certified professional coach in personal leadership and relational intelligence, on this quality that shapes human relationships, but whose boundaries sometimes remain difficult to define. On the occasion of International Kindness Day, she addresses the demands of benevolence in management, romantic relationships, and daily life, while emphasizing the importance of knowing how to say no, preserving one's self-esteem, and not confusing generosity with accepting disrespect.

Seneweb: How would you define true kindness and what place does it occupy in our society today?

Awa Ly Ndiaye : True kindness is the consideration we show to others, without necessarily expecting anything in return. It manifests itself in the way we listen, respond, and treat people with whom we don't necessarily agree. Today, we talk a lot about asserting ourselves, but not enough about how we make others feel valued. Yet, this consideration profoundly changes the quality of our relationships.

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Kindness in professional life

How can kindness help in managing employees considered difficult?

Before labeling someone as difficult, it's essential to understand what's hindering collaboration. Is it a misunderstood instruction, a genuine difficulty, or a recurring behavior? Next, it's crucial to listen, clarify expectations, and ensure commitments are met. A supportive approach allows for constructive feedback without humiliating. However, when someone fails to honor their commitments, it also enables a firm decision to be made, while still maintaining respect.

How should one react when one's kindness is perceived as a lack of character or when one feels exploited?

It's important to learn to express what's no longer acceptable before reaching a breaking point or overreacting. For example, you can let the other person know you're willing to help with a specific issue, but that you can't take on everything. However, simply stating this limit isn't enough; you must also maintain it. You don't need to become aggressive to be taken seriously. Calm, clear words followed by actions can carry significant weight.

Is it possible to succeed professionally without giving up one's kindness?

Absolutely. It's actually a leadership style I particularly value. You can be approachable, listen to your team members, and still maintain high standards. It's possible to refuse a request or make an unpopular decision while respecting the person involved. In my view, authority is built on clear decisions, consistency, and fairness. Team members must be able to work with their manager without fear.

Kindness in a couple

To what extent can a partner's personal wounds justify toxic or disrespectful behavior?

A person's wounds deserve to be heard and taken into consideration. However, they do not give them carte blanche over their partner. In a relationship, each person remains responsible for their words, actions, and the work they are willing to do on themselves. Loving someone does not mean having the ability to fix them for them. When there is violence or fear, the priority must be to protect oneself and seek support.

Why do some people end up constantly forgiving the same mistakes in their relationship?

Sometimes we remain attached to what we still hope to build with another person. There's love, a shared history, children, promises, and sometimes the fear of leaving. It therefore requires great sensitivity before judging someone who chooses to stay. However, a crucial question deserves to be asked: after the apologies, what truly changes? Forgiveness, trust, and continuing the relationship are three different decisions.

How can you re-establish boundaries in a relationship where you end up being taken for granted?

We must begin by making visible the things that have become automatic over time: our availability, our efforts, and our compromises. It's important to be able to express what we can do, what weighs us down, and what we need. Then, the partners must agree on concrete changes and observe whether they are actually implemented. Years spent together do not take away anyone's right to express their needs or set boundaries.

Kindness in everyday life

What does the expression "Too good, too stupid" inspire in you?

What I hear most clearly is the disappointment of people who have sometimes been hurt by their generosity. It's true that some people take advantage of others' kindness. But to blame kindness for their behavior is to unfairly criticize it. We can learn to be more selective about who we give to, under what conditions, and how far to go. Kindness must be accompanied by discernment. It would be a shame if disappointments led us to abandon such a beautiful quality.

Why is it sometimes so difficult to say no?

Because refusing a request can feel like risking affection, recognition, or even one's place in a relationship. When we've learned that being a good person means always accommodating others, saying no can almost seem wrong. We end up agreeing, even when we're tired or upset. The real work begins when we recognize that our own needs are just as legitimate as those of others.

How can you set boundaries without feeling guilty or becoming distrustful of others?

We can start by giving ourselves some time before responding to a request. Saying, for example, that we're going to think about what we can do before giving our answer helps avoid making commitments too quickly. We must then learn to simply refuse, without feeling the need to justify ourselves endlessly. Guilt may be present at first, but it doesn't necessarily mean we've done anything wrong. As for trust, it can be built gradually by observing how others respect our boundaries.

What advice would you give to someone who regularly feels disappointed because of their kindness?

I would tell her not to blame herself for having good intentions. It's important to take the time to reflect on the people we give to, what it costs us, and how we are treated in return. We can remain generous while also becoming more attentive to ourselves. We also have the right to withdraw from a relationship that is harming us. Our kindness has value. We don't need to suffer to prove it.